“Lil’ Miss Sally Sunnypants” (4 Screenplays)

“Lil’ Miss Sally Sunnypants In: Help Me, I’m Lost”

By MollyMolotov666

[Horror/Surrealist Audio Script – 1-5 People]

CHARACTERS:

Mister Narrator: The storyteller
Lil’ Miss Sally Sunnypants: A misunderstood, innocent child
Puppy: A deformed hellhound that only Sally can see
The Adults (A Male and a Female): They like to yell
Mystery Man: Evil evil evil evil


NARRATOR: Once upon a time, on a sunny day, in the middle of a heavily populated public garden, sat a confused and scared little girl.

SFX: Storm ambiance begins

SALLY: (Bothered) Puppy? It appears we’ve lost mommy. Oh dear. Whatever shall we do?

PUPPY: You’ve done it now, you silly girl. We must find an adult, Lil’ Miss Sally Sunnypants, or you’ll be lost forever.

SALLY: Here’s an adult now. (Addressing the adult) Help me, Sir. I’m lost.

MALE ADULT: (Incoherent screaming)

SALLY: (Unnerved) I’m sorry to bother you, Sir. I’ll leave you be. (Talking to a different stranger) Excuse me, Ma’am? I’m lost, could you…

FEMALE ADULT: (Interrupts her with incoherent screaming)

SALLY: (Begins to cry) I just want to find my mommy. Please, Ma’am. I don’t understand.

BOTH ADULTS: (Screaming incoherently)

PUPPY: They can’t understand you, Lil Miss Sally Sunnypants. They will never understand you.

SALLY: (Calling out) Mommy? Where are you? MOMMY?? I’m scared! Mommy! Where are you?

PUPPY: No need to get scared, Sally. I’m here. They don’t understand me, either. Frankly, I don’t think they want to understand us. We only have each other now.

SALLY: (Panicked) MOMMY! MOMMY! WHERE ARE YOU??

NARRATOR: Poor child. Will she find her mother? Is she and her puppy lost forever? Tune in next time to find out.

PUPPY: Spoiler alert – We’re fucked.

NARRATOR: Hush, you.

SFX: Cut ambiance

THE END

“Lil’ Miss Sally Sunnypants In: Help Me, I’m Lost (2)”

SFX: Storm ambiance throughout

NARRATOR: When we last left Lil’ Miss Sally Sunnypants, she was crying for her lost Mother. By her side as always, was Puppy, her beloved companion. Little has changed, as the two are still lost, and still very afraid. Let’s tune in now…

SALLY: (Crying) Where did Mommy go, Doggy? Do you think she left us here?

DOGGY: It’s likely. I kept breaking her things, and she blamed you for them. Maybe she had gotten tired of it?

SALLY: (Hurt) Mommy loves us. She’d never!

DOGGY: (Excited) Oh, look. A policeman.

SALLY: (Tearful but excited) Officer, please, I need help! (Pause) Why aren’t you speaking, Sir? Please, stand up. You mustn’t be sleeping on the job!

DOGGY: Maybe he likes the feel of cement on his face?

SALLY: (Terrified) Oh, no, Doggy! He’s no help to us!

DOGGY: The cop has red stuff coming from his head. Do you think he might need help?

SALLY: (Hysterical) He IS the help! If he needs help, too, surely we’ll be lost forever!

DOGGY: Well, I’m sure you’re right. What shall we do until then, Lil Miss Sally Sunnypants?

SALLY: We must keep looking for Mother!

DOGGY: Good idea. Let’s leave him here. Everyone knows cops travel in packs. One of his friends will surely find him.

SALLY: (Calling out) Help me! I need help! I’m scared! Mommy! Mommy!

NARRATOR: Will Lil Miss Sally Sunnypants see her mother again? Will the police officer ever wake up from his nap? Tune in next time! Goodnight!

SFX: Cut all ambiance

THE END

“Lil’ Miss Sally Sunnypants In: Help Me, I’m Lost (3)”

SFX: Storm ambiance throughout

NARRATOR: When we last left our young heroine, she still hadn’t found any help. Each adult has been more useless than the last. With only Doggy, her faithful companion to keep her company, our Lil’ Miss Sally Sunnypants continues her search for her mother.

SALLY: (Sobbing) Mommy, where are you?

DOGGY: Stop crying, Lil Miss Sally Sunnypants. We need to keep looking.

SALLY: I fear we’ll never find her, Doggy!

DOGGY: And we won’t with that attitude.

SALLY: Here comes a grown up! Excuse me, Sir!?

MYSTERY MAN: Yes, little girl?

DOGGY: (Gasps!) It can actually understand you!

SALLY: Please, Sir. I need help. I can’t find my mother.

MYSTERY MAN: Come with me, little girl.

SALLY: Let me go! You’re hurting me!

DOGGY: Hey! Leave my girl alone!

SALLY: Stop him! HELP! DOGGY!

DOGGY: (Growls, attacks Mystery man. They fight and he rips out Mystery Man’s throat. Graphic as fuck. Full body horror)

SALLY: No! Bad Doggy!

DOGGY: I regret nothing.

SALLY: Come on, you naughty dog. We need to go find mother!

DOGGY: Should I bury it?

SALLY: Doggy, please! Take this seriously! We need to get home!

DOGGY: Well, then, let’s go looking for mother, then. Just don’t tell her I ate this man… She’d be so cross with me.

SALLY: Oh, Doggy.

(They both laugh)

NARRATOR: Poor, poor Lil’ Miss Sally Sunnypants. Still lost. Still scared. At least Doggy is by her side, protecting her from evil, like a good boy should. Where is her mother? Who was that strange man? Perhaps there will be answers tomorrow. On behalf of Sally and her dog… Goodnight, dear listener!

SFX: Cut all ambiance

THE END

“Lil’ Miss Sally Sunnypants In: Help Me, I’m Lost (4)”

SFX: Storm ambiance throughout

NARRATOR: Lil’ Sally Sunnypants sat in the rain, her doggy by her side. They tried to hide under an awning for warmth, but were yelled at to leave by the store’s horrible owner.

SALLY: I’m so cold, Doggy. And hungry, too.

DOGGY: When is this rain going to end?

SALLY: All the more reason to find Mother! We need to get someplace safe.

DOGGY: Safety is a social construct.

SALLY: Don’t do that.

DOGGY: Do what?

SALLY: You’re a dog. Be a dog. You shouldn’t have so much to say.

DOGGY: I could leave, too, you know.

SALLY: Please don’t! Don’t go, too!

DOGGY: Then don’t push away, or I’ll go away…

SALLY: FINE!

DOGGY: Hey, Lil’ Miss Sally Sunnypants?

SALLY: Yes, Doggy?

DOGGY: I think I see your Mother!

SALLY: Where!?

DOGGY: Over there! By the old hotdog stand!

SALLY: Mother! Mother! MOTHER!

MOTHER: (Incoherent screaming)

SALLY: Mother, what happened to your angelic voice? Oh, no! Not you, too!

DOGGY: Your mother is lost, Lil Miss Sally Sunnypants. We must go.

SALLY: No… No… (Sobbing) Where shall we go now, Doggy?

DOGGY: Anywhere far from here, Sally… Anywhere far from here…

NARRATOR: I wish there were more to tell. There’s nothing left to say. After looking for Mother and finding her, it became clear that there was no going home again. Goodnight, friends, and good luck. You’ll need it in such a cruel, cruel world.

SFX: Fade out all ambience

THE END

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