“The Recording”

[F4M] [Trigger Warning: Suicide] [Purely Fiction] [Depression] [Crying] [Script Offer]


(Start with a few moments of non-verbal crying, Go full on blubbering)

I… I don’t know where to start. I’m not great at these things. There is so much that I want to say, and so little time left. I… can’t do this anymore. Living. It’s gross. It’s disgusting. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of failing everything I try.

I’m tired of the constant rejection of trying to connect with people, and not being able to. I’m just… tired. I’m tired and I’m angry, and I’m sick of living. I’m tired of crying and being miserable all the time. I’m tired of the loneliness.

I think there is only one real option for me right now. I hung up a rope on a tree in my favorite spot in the woods near my house. I’m gonna go out the way I lived: On my own terms.

Nobody can take that away from me, at least. I don’t have anything to say to my family. I’ve said enough. I don’t care what you all do with my stuff. Throw it away. Sell it. Fight over it for all I care. I just want to be free from all this… pain…

It’s time… time for me to… (Startled) Who’s there? Hey! You can’t be here! Go away! None of your business! Who the fuck are you, asshole? (Pause) Well, you need to go! I don’t need your help! This has nothing to do with you! Leave that alone! (Pause, then struggles)

Hey, stop! Don’t touch me! NO! I don’t want you to hold me! Fuck you! Get off, you fucking asshole! I don’t want this! Let me go! Let me go! (Breaks down into defeated sobs. She stops fighting, and lets herself cry.)

Why do you care? Why the fuck do you care? (Pause) I’m just so… alone… I’m hurting, and I have no outlet. No way to get it out. I just live in rage and sadness everyday, and I don’t want to do this anymore! (Pause)

Why? I don’t have to tell you… You don’t really care. You just don’t want to feel bad for leaving me to die alone. This isn’t about me, and you know it. (Cries softly)

Because! Because I can’t do anything right. I don’t have a talent. I don’t have any friends. I push away everyone who wants to be near me because I am scared of being hurt again! I hate people, but I hate being lonely. I fail constantly. There is no hope for me. I’m just a piece of shit, and it’s never going to change.

I am better off dead. (Pause for a moment, trying to get a word in, but is being talked over. He is using obvious platitudes like “You have people who love you,” and improv the reaction to trying to rebuttal to them, but can’t speak because he won’t shut his mouth)

Dude… It’s not just that… I am such a loser. Nobody wants to fuck me, and anyone who does only wants a one nightstand. I haven’t (Sniffles) gotten laid in months. I wouldn’t be so bent out of shape if just… (He begins to kiss her, and she pushes him off) Hey! Back off! That wasn’t an invitation. (Pause) I don’t want it like that. I want fucked by someone who wants to fuck me, and not out of pity. (Pause, scoffs) What do you mean by that?

(Is touched) That is very sweet, actually. I mean, yeah, that’s not pity. You’re right. That is just wanting to give a crying girl a reason to smile. I can understand that… Okay, okay… I’ll let you… Touch me… but… please be kind to me after? Yeah? (Pause) Please don’t hurt me… (Serious tone) and don’t fall in love.

Whatever you do. Nothing grosses me out more than the feelz. Feel me? (Pause) Okay, since we understand each other… (Kisses him. Improv a passionate sex scene with her sniffling in her moans to show how much she was crying. They cum)

Oh, fuck! I left the recorder on!

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